The Diva is asleep. She is on my chest. After weeks of not sleeping through the night, she is resting. She has not been happy today. She was so tired, tired to the point of sobbing. She is asleep but does not want me to get up (I would be right be back); this is causing Kinsey great distress. He is the hungriest cat.
I’ve been a dad for eighteen full months now. These two little bits have given me a run for my money. They made not just question, but change how I see and live in this world. I am amazed how their joy becomes my own, their pain turns to my suffering, that their fears haunt me as well. I love their eyes and toes and scars. I would be so much less without them.
And with that there is the other side: without us, Audra and I, who and how would they be? I do not like to think about that road not taken. I do not like to think about that unrealized reality but do anyway. I do not like - for these two - what that destination could have held.
The cats are fed and are eating, except mine. Jack is standing next to me watching me type. My shirt smells like lavender and bergamot and orange and tears and the little bit of drool we all drool when we sleep. Audra designed a calming scent just for Lexy and it worked just as well as sound of my beating heart.
I’ll finish this. I’ll get the mail. I’ll lay back down again.